


The Annihilation of the Mary-Sue Brigade

by enoby_way



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Gen, Mary Sue, Parody, Yes Beethoven does play some obscure part
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-14 23:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5763568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enoby_way/pseuds/enoby_way
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mary-Sue was your average high school protagonist, until she and her gal pal, Hanna, were dragged into the Gate. When they see that their favourite characters are forced into their own high school setting, she vows to fix the timeline. And when that doesn't work, she calls on the greatest Sues known to man.</p><p>---</p><p>Alternatively, the students of Central Academy were living life peacefully until some girl turned up and inflicted Vocal Fail Alchemy upon the world. Their hopes are so low, that they have no choice, but to hire Mary-Sue's most bitter rivals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

My name is Mary-Sue Blackcurrant. I’m sixteen years old, and weigh approximately 105lb exactly. I’ve always been a big fan of _Fullmetal Alchemist_ , and me and my friend Julia love writing fanfics together. Especially RoyEd slash, because Winry does _not_ deserve Ed, the bitch.

I’m a vegan, so I’m just like Ed with his hatred of milk. I really think that he’s a vegan too. He’s such a good person, I _know_ that he would never agree with the _slaughter_ of innocent animals! I feel bad though, because I’m allergic to cats, so I can’t love them like Al, but I LOVE DOGS. (They embody _loyalty_ , XD)

I actually look a lot like Roy, too! Julia _always_ calls me Roy, because of how similar we look! I have shoulder blade-length raven black hair with my bangs covering my right eye, porcelain skin, and sapphire blue eyes. I’m 4’11, so I identify with Ed for being so... *shudders* _short_. OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT!!!

But I have to tell you about my story, don’t I? Phew, deep breath.

When I was one, I developed this strange ability. I first noticed it when my older brother, Gary-Stu, suddenly started acting like Lennie from _Of Mice and Men_ , the day after he laughed at me for not doing well on a test. I wanted so back to do better than him, that he ended up being really dumb. It was funny at first, but now I feel really bad because it’s so hard to deal with, ya know?

Even though I feel bad about it, there are two people who I hate so much it makes me want to use it! I can’t control it though, which is a shame *sighs*. They’re called Leonardo Harvey and Oskar Logan. They’re the biggest assholes I’ve ever met! They always bully me, and when they heard about Gary-Stu, they started calling me the ‘Epic Fail Alchemist’! They’re so immature!

My parents abandoned me when my ability first surfaced. I think _I_ made them leave! Gary-Stu and I grew up with our uncle, Marty-Stu. He’s nice, but he doesn’t like Julia. He says that she’s attention seeking with her whole being a goth thing.

My favourite hobbies are playing basketball outside of school, and whistling; I’m super cool at whistling for cabs; Julia says it’s a natural talent! We both trained in martial arts, and we became experts before we turned eleven, but she’s better than me (her boyfriend’s better though!).

My school is called Sparkly Poo High School. Logan and Harvey won a competition to name the school and design the logo, and you can imagine what they went with. *rolls eyes*

I’m American, but I wish I was Japanese. I just love anime and pocky and ramen. It’s too good!

So that’s me. And now I can tell you about my story. x


	2. Poetic Justice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are introduced to Mary-Sue's rivals.

Mary-Sue Blackcurrant waltzed to her locker. She was in such a good mood, that she just _knew_ something amazing was going to happen! She felt like there were thousands of tiny little stars in her short, petite body. Sighing, Mary-Sue flipped her raven black hair out of her face, where it fell delicately, like out of a movie.

Unfortunately, when she opened her locker, the happy feeling inside of her disapparated like Mundungus Fletcher in the final Harry Potter novel; someone had defaced one of her prized fanarts! It was a beautiful drawing of Edward Elric, after he’d just stepped out of the shower. Mary-Sue had managed to draw all of the details in his Automail, right down to the steam rising from his right arm. But now, someone had drawn a crude stick figure labelled ‘Winry Rockbell’ taking it from behind.

She swore in Parseltongue, as her sapphire blue eyes glared at the paper. This was scandalous! The stick figure was even drawn in _pen_! And of course it had to be that stupid bitch, Winry!

Mary-Sue crumpled the paper in her hand, furious. She recognised that handwriting; it was Oskar Logan!  _And I bet that ginger friend of his gave him ideas!_

She stormed to the cafeteria, where she found the two boys sat at their usual table. One of them was a lanky teen with short, bright pink hair (apparently due to a bet involving overweight, ginger midgets), and he wore a t-shirt saying ‘I hate you, so Sue me.’ Mary-Sue gasped; the picture underneath the words was from when she, Julia, and Hanna had taken part in an FMA flash mob! Mary-Sue had dressed up as a Rule 63 Roy Mustang, how did Logan find that picture?

The other boy was a ginger, so therefore he had no soul. This one was Leonardo Harvey, and he always turned up wearing a black suit with a matching top hat, a monocle, and a bubble pipe which he smoked casually with a slightly vacant smile.

They were laughing and talking. Mary-Sue knew that they were talking about _her_. She stomped over to their table, her heels clacking loudly on the wooden laminate. ‘ _LOGAN_!’

Oskar Logan rolled his eyes and rose from his seat. ‘Oh look. It’s the Epic Fail Alchemist. What’s the problem, ey?’

Oskar was actually from Minnesota, but when Mary-Sue mistakenly called him Canadian, he never let her live it down.

She slammed the former A+ grade artwork on the table. ‘WHY DID YOU DO THIS?! I WORKED SO HARD ON IT!’

‘It’s a naked doodle of a fifteen year old.’

‘IT’S _ARTWORK_.’

‘It’s creepy.’

She slapped him across the face. ‘THIS WAS MY BEST DRAWING; WHY WOULD YOU RUIN IT?!’

Leonardo Harvey got in between them. He stood calmly as he carefully removed the bubble pipe from his mouth. ‘Miss Blackcurrant, you do not partake in dramatic theatre, so I beg of you to lower your voice to a suitable volume. Additionally, if you strike my companion once more, I will be forced to report you to the proper authorities.’ Then, he gestured with his bubble pipe towards Mary-Sue, before replacing it in his mouth.

This was what Mary-Sue hated about Leo Harvey. He always spoke in big words and long sentences that no one even used anymore. And he _knew_ that Mary-Sue didn’t understand them!

She took a deep breath, and then let it go like her feminist hero taught her. ‘Will you just tell me _why_ you did this?’

‘I already did,’ Oskar told her. ‘It’s a creepy doodle of a naked fifteen year old boy.’

‘IF IT’S SO CREEPY, THEN WHY WOULD YOU DRAW HIM HAVING SEX WITH WINRY?!’

Leo looked at her sternly, ‘Miss Blackcurrant, _volume_.’

Before she could respond, Oskar shrugged and said, ‘They’re not having sex. She dropped a screw and is leaning over to pick it up.’

‘She’s naked!’ she pointed at the incredibly large, balloon breasts, dangling from stick-Winry’s chest.

‘It’s summer.’

Mary-Sue screamed and pulled at her hair. Oskar was so _infuriating_!

‘You’re just jealous of me, Logan! You’re just mad that I’m a better artist than you!’

Oskar opened his mouth, probably to make a sarcastic remark, but was stopped by a teacher’s cry, ‘Logan, Blackcurrant! Cease this bickering and retire to the principal’s office!’

For a second, everyone thought that Leo had spoken, until he said, ‘I agree with this charming lady, Oskar-pal.’ He fixed Mary-Sue with a disapproving glare. ‘Discontinue the flaming, you prep.’

* * *

 

‘Now, you kids have _got_ to learn to get along. This touchiness is getting way out of proportion,’ the principal said while fondling himself. ‘Oskar, won’t you please just tell me your side of the story?’

‘Me and Leo were just sitting at our table when _she_ just started screaming about some drawing. Honest, sir, her voice was like a freakin’ _jackhammer_. All we’d been doing was talking about how bad anime was-.’

Mary-Sue drowned out his words. How _dare_ he insult anime! He was just too uncultured to understand its genius! At least her campaign poster was in the office for her to admire; it was a picture of two Chihuahuas, with the title saying, ‘SAVE THE NEIGHBOURHOOD SQUIRRELS!’ in bold, green lettering. But, even her own work wasn’t enough to cheer her up.

‘Logan, you know not to bully Mary-Sue. You _know_ that her parents abandoned her.’

He sighed. ‘Of course I know. _Everybody_ does! She never shuts up about it!’

Mary-Sue burst into tears. Why was Oskar so mean to her?! She didn’t do _anything_ to him! She wished that he would just get excluded!

The principal suddenly jerked in his seat. Mary-Sue noticed Oskar pulling a face, but _he_ didn’t know the signs!

‘LOgAN, I MuST NoW ExCLuDE YoU FoR NO RAiSIN!’

Oskar’s jaw dropped.  Mary-Sue knew he hadn’t been expecting that. But she couldn’t believe it! Her wish came true! This was what that happy feeling meant! She was so giddy that she almost missed Oskar slowly getting out of his chair.

‘Right. Sure. Erm,’ there was something strange about his voice. Like he didn’t know whether to cry or scream. Mary-Sue called it poetic justice. She watched him leave, and after he was gone, she bowed gracefully to the principal, who was now foaming at the mouth as he sat limply in his chair.

‘Arigatō, sensei.’


End file.
